Dept. of Speculation
by Jenny Offill
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The book makes us contemplate many things and arouse emotions for me. After breaking up with my first love, it's been a long time since we fell in love with anyone else. Not because you haven't forgotten your ex, nor because you're afraid of a new relationship. It's just that we are afraid of transience. We want to wait until that person shows up, someone who can make us wholeheartedly to love, someone who can make me throw away the cover we have built so long to be happy to be myself. We often pay attention to small actions, to the feelings of people. Because we were afraid we were wrong because we were afraid that they were unhappy, we unconsciously collected ourselves, as long as they raised their eyebrows, we would cower and listen carefully to every word because we were afraid they would be hurt by the action. or my words. So we still waited for that person to appear, treat us sincerely and tolerant so that beside him/her, we would be happy to be us. That person will tell me: We love ourselves. But we also have a habit of using smiles to hide. So happy will laugh, so sad. We do not want to expose the ugly wounds in my heart to strangers because of them... really want to share, sympathize with us or just want to make it fun, make stories to tell in their own pleasures. So gradually, we chose to hide my injuries and smile at everything. We often laugh, to the point where we myself feel tired. Actually not completely acting, we are usually easy to satisfy and have fun with everything around. So we are still waiting, waiting for someone who can recognize the hurt behind my smiles. One person will take notice of our gaze, and tell us: It's okay, you're here...